Cao Cao's New Strategy: Acting Lessons?
by SSJKarigan
Summary: Cao Cao wants to spy on the Wu main base camp. He figures the only way to do that is to send in highly disguised spies. He also figures to get good spies, all of his soldiers, captains, and generals must go to acting lessons in order to pull his plan off
1. Zhang He's School of Acting

This story is basically about Cao Cao wanting to spy on the Wu main base camp. He figures the only way to do that is to send in highly disguised spies. He also figures to get good spies, all of his soldiers, captains, and generals must go to acting lessons in order to pull his plan off. I don't care if you flame... if you disliked it THAT much, then let it all out. Its better than shooting everyone at school .;;; But if you DO like it... well you know what to do! wink

Oh, and just to tell you, this first chapter is very short just to get things going. I should have the next one up by tomorrow! It'll be much longer, don't you worry your sweet little head... because I want it to stay sweet when I eat you . 

Now that I have said what needs to be said, on with the story...

Oh waitaminute! Disclaimer... that says it doesn't it? You get the point!

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"But Sir, are acting classes really necessary? I mean... couldn't we just have one of the soldiers dress as a Wu soldier and spy around?" one of Cao Cao's captains pleaded.

"No! That would be boring! What kind of enemy would we be if we just did everything so simply and accurately?" Cao Cao objected.

"A... good one, Sir?" the captain tried.

"Oh pish pash, you're just jealous that _you _NEED the acting lessons where _I _do not!" Cao Cao boasted.

"If you're such a great actor, why don't you get into that business instead of leading an army?" the captain grunted.

"Don't use that tone with me, little Mr! I'll send you to gallows!" Cao Cao growled, putting his hands on his hips like your mother might when scolding you.

"Sorry Sir," the captain said quietly, bowing his head down.

"Now leave and retrieve your acting lessons! You're not good to me when you're no good!" Cao Cao ordered.

The captain stood there for a second, thinking over what Cao Cao just said and shook his head as he turned heel and walked away. "What am I doing here?" he asked himself regretfully.

Class time

"Hello class, I'm Zhang He, but you can call me sexy!" Zhang He announced in front of the large group of soldiers, captains, and generals.

"What if we don't want to call you... sexy?" one of the soldiers asked meekly.

"That's just too bad!" Zhang He said in a sweet voice.

The same captain who had previously spoken to Cao Cao raised his hand.

"Yes?" Zhang He said looking to him.

"Um... why were you appointed to teach us about acting?" he questioned, quite unsure of what Zhang He had anything to do with acting.

"Well that's simple, silly. I'm dead sexy and poetic, I am obviously a good actor. Don't you know that most actors are beautiful?" Zhang He said annoyed with the question.

"But..." the captain stammered.

"And all actors are chick magnets. So I just MUST be an actor!" Zhang He said pridefully.

"Isn't it kind of hard to be a chick magnet when you're gay?" the captain asked, raising and eyebrow.

A wave of manly giggling ran across the room. Zhang He remained calm.

"Oh, dear Captain, stop talking like a 20th century teenage punk!" Zhang He scolded.

"20th century punk?" the captain burst incredulously.

"Yes, those damn kids and their rap music!" Zhang He sighed, shaking his head.

"How would you know anything about the 20th century?" the captain inquired.

"Women's intuition," Zhang He answered simply.

"But you're a man!" the captain shouted.

"Only as far as you know," Zhang He responded nonchalantly.

The room was silent. It was going to be a tough week of acting lessons for that poor captain.

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As I said before, I KNOW this chapter is short, but I just wanted a nice easy start. The next chapter'll be up in a jiffy!

What should I name the captain though? Should he even have a name? Feh, I'll think of something! Anyway, review if you liked it and... do something else if you didn't!


	2. Impromptu

See, what did I tell you? Up in a jiffy. Thanks for reviewing V Guyver, that was really good advice and I think I'll take it! When I previewed the chapter, it doesn't accept some of the characters I use so that annoyed me. Sorry about that.

This chapter is much longer than the last and I tried to put them much more in character like suggested. You don't see it much at the beginning of the chapter, but just read a few minutes in and you can see where I did a bit better! Oh, and if you review and like it, tell your friends! Thankies .

**Disclaimer: **You have just witnessed the disclaimation of Dynasty Warriors and any characters, ET-CET-TER-AS. You have also witnessed the use of a word that does not exist. Now leave me be and read!

"Before we start class, I'd like to establish some rules around here to make sure nothing gets too rowdied up!" Zhang He chimed enthusiastically. "First off, you must raise your hand before speaking. No chewing gum and no paper airplanes," he began to list.

"Um, Sir, what's an airplane?" one of the students asked suddenly.

"An airplane?" Zhang He echoed.

"Yes, you said 'paper airplanes,'" the student reminded him.

Zhang He chuckled, "I have no idea! All I know is they are NOT acceptable!"

"But how can we make them when we don't know-"

"NOT ACCEPTABLE!" Zhang He screamed.

The room grew very silent.

"You must remember the first rule," he said quietly in a gentle tone, "Raise your hand before speaking. Which brings me to the other rules. I do not allow any name calling and rudeness toward other students or to myself. No pulling fire alarms-" Zhang He continued before once again, he was interrupted.

"You did it again, Sir. What is a fire alarm?" the same student from before asked.

"That's not the point! The point is you may not pull one!" Zhang He answered, getting more and more annoyed with every question. "Now further more, I also will not have interrupting or talking when I am talking. Always write in pencil- What is it now?" Zhang He sighed noticing a familiar hand up.

"What's a pencil?"

"OUT OF MY CLASS!" Zhang He roared, pointing towards the door. The poor frightened student got up quickly and scurried out the door. He closed it quickly and ran off.

Zhang He looked around the wide-eyed class and smiled with effort. He patted down his nicely put up hair and sighed pleasantly. "As I was saying. I don't like rough-housing or dilly-dallying. Any late work is 10 off and- What is with you people?! All these questions! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" Zhang He snapped.

"What kind of work would we be doing? I mean, its just an acting class, we don't actually write we-" and before the poor soldier/student could mutter another word, Zhang He leapt at him and tackled him out of his desk. "NO MORE!"

"I'm sorry Zhang He, but you're even scaring Xiahou Dun in that class! I will not permit any more of your shenanigans!" Cao Cao said, pacing back and forth with his hands clasped together behind his back.

"But my Lord, who else will teach these fools to act! No other is as beautiful and poetic as I!" Zhang He disagreed.

"It doesn't matter, you're not teaching them anything anyway!" Cao Cao growled.

"One more chance my Lord," Zhang He requested.

Cao Cao hesitated his answer for a moment and sighed. "Fine fine... but what on Earth is a fire alarm?" Cao Cao inquired.

"For our first lesson, we're going to practice something called impromptu," Zhang He announced.

"This whole stinking strategy is impromptu..." Sima Yi grumbled to Xu Huang. He chuckled wryly.

"Ah-HEM!" Zhang He cleared his throat loudly. The class stiffened up and became silent very quickly. "As I was saying, impromptu. It means action without preparation, its very extemporaneous... and if you don't know what that means, it also means action without preparation," Zhang He explained. "Now I need two volunteers..."

If there were crickets in the room, you could hear them; there were obviously no volunteers. Zhang He continued to stand in front of the class with his arms folded. "Nobody?" he asked in a jeering tone. He looked around the room slyly and stopped his glance at Sima Yi and Xu Huang. "Alright, up in front of the class!" Zhang He ordered, his eyes narrowing.

"...yea right," Xu Huang huffed.

"This is MY class and I demand you get up here and give an example before I make and example out of you!" Zhang He scowled.

The two high rank generals stood slowly and trudged up to the front of the class. _I should have followed Liu Bei like everyone else... _they both thought, beating themselves up mentally.

"What you have to do is when I give you a roll, you have to act it out quickly and with sensible response. No uhms or stammers. Sima Yi, you are a postman giving a letter to Xu Huang who is displeased with the package. Start," Zhang He concluded.

The two looked to one another and were quite unsure of what to do. The class waited anxiously to watch their superiors make asses of themselves and try to "act." Zhang He grew impatient after seeing no response.

"Start!" he snapped.

Sima Yi brought up his hand meekly and pretended to knock on an invisible door in front of Xu Huang.

"Knock... knock?" he tried.

Xu Huang held back snickering and went with it. He pretended to open the door and looked Sima Yi up and down. "Yea?" he asked with impatience.

Sima Yi stood with his hands behind his back. "I have... a, um, package for you," he said with unsureness about what he was doing.

"A package, huh? I don't see a package," Xu Huang said crossing his arms across his chest.

Sima Yi kicked him secretively and Xu Huang glared at him, clenching his teeth.

"Its right here!" Sima Yi said more calmly, pretending to hold a package out.

"Are you sure you can hold that? I think it weighs 20 whole pounds!" Xu Huang mocked.

"Of course, but I'm not so sure about you _miss_," Sima Yi countered.

The class now watched intently for it was getting interesting.

"Just hand it over!" Xu Huang snapped, pretending to grab it away from Sima Yi.

"Sorry, I think you missed it, its right here!" Sima Yi corrected, pretending to hold the package away.

"No I got it!" Xu Huang argued.

"No, no you didn't!" Sima Yi countered.

"Yes I did!" Xu Huang growled back, pretending to grab it again.

"You missed again!" Sima Yi laughed.

"Gimme that freaking package!" Xu Huang demanded.

"Okay, you're done! Nice job, you can sit back down!" Zhang He chuckled, shoving them back towards their seats. "Does anyone else want to volunteer?" Zhang He questioned, peering around the class once again. The hands shot up like Old Faithful on a good day. Zhang He sweat-dropped. "How about a different activity? How does Role-Playing sound?" he suggested.

"What's the difference?" a voice questioned.

"Role-playing is more planned," Zhang He answered easily. "I'm just going to pick some people this time... how about-" Zhang He was about to announce before Cao Cao burst into the room.

"Are you done with this yet?!" he asked angrilly.

"Not even close, my Lord," Zhang He said quietly, bowing and looking at the ground.

"Well how long is this going to take? We have to take quicker action!" Cao Cao ordered.

"I'm not entirely sure, Lord, only two of them have had any practice," Zhang He explained.

"Two? Two is good enough! Which ones?" Cao Cao asked looking around the class.

"That would be those two," Zhang He pointed out, looking across the room and Sima Yi and Xu Huang.

"Them?" Cao Cao clarified.

"Yes, Sima Yi and Xu Huang are the only ones who've done anything. Might I suggest at least a few more days before we take real action?" Zhang He requested.

"No, they'll be fine! Come with me, you two! We've work to do!" Cao Cao said loudly, leading them out of the room. Zhang He hugged his arms and sighed, closing his eyes. "Role-playing," he repeated as the door closed, "Will be done in groups of four, I'll number off. We should have.... how many groups would you say?" Zhang He inquired, taking a quick tally of everyone sitting in the class. "Hmm. Quite a few," he murmured to himself.

"Anyway, if you must, work outside the classroom. If you even _try _to sneak off, I'll report you to Lord Cao Cao and you can assume other duties with _his_ sword," Zhang He threatened, surveying the class with a look that could curdle milk. "Lets see here..." Zhang He started again with a nicer demeanor, "One- oh, will you please repeat your number after me?" he suggested.

"One,"

"You're two,"

"Two."

"Three"

"Three... hmmm, just say your number yourself instead, this is too monotonous," Zhang He changed his mind. "Continue."

"Four."

"Five."

"Not five, I said count by fours, you're number one!" Zhang He scolded.

"Oh... One..."

"Five,"

"Did I not just say count by fours?!" Zhang He yelled with annoyance.

"Yes, you did, and four more than one is five," the soldier reasoned.

"You count in numbers going up to four and starting over again, do you understand now?" Zhang He re-worded, rubbing his temples. "Hurry up now, you've wasted enough time!"

So they counted correctly and so on until they finished with a "Two."

"Um sir, this didn't work. We don't have even groups!" one of the captains informed Zhang He who was sitting up at a desk in the front of the room reading something.

"And..?" Zhang He said, rolling his eyes.

"Well, um, Sir, how can this work if the groups aren't even?" the captain questioned nervously.

"Then deal with it," Zhang He said plainly, not taking his eyes off what he had been reading.

The captain said nothing more and returned to his group of one other. Zhang He felt that he'd finally have peace and wouldn't have to do much more until he heard a loud disruption.

"I'm not working with you!"

"The hell you're not! You have to be in this group!"

"Yea right!"

"What's going on?!" Zhang He burst, looking up from his book at last.

"He doesn't want to work with out group!" one of the goody goody soldiers said pointing to the only general in the group.

"Really Cao Ren, grow up," Zhang He huffed, once again going back to his book.

"Why should I have to work with these underlings? My very cousin is the leader of this army!" he complained. (A/N: I've heard that he's Cao Cao's cousin and I've also heard that they're brothers. Does anyone know if they're cousins or brothers?)

"Then talk to him, he's the one who put you in here," Zhang He said boredly.

A very displeased Cao Run ground his teeth and turned to go back to his group. "Ridiculous!" he scowled to himself walking back.

"As I said before, if you have a problem, don't take it up with me," Zhang He muttered inside his book.

Was that better? Worse? Or what?! You know what to do .

Hopefully its long enough this time o.o;; The next chapter is called Group Work for a... well its hardly a preview at all! Oh well, it shouldn't be too long before that one's up as well! Thanks!


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